LandofSilly
Live Broadcasts of various articles and silly stories written on the LandOfsilly.COM. All stories are phoney baloney and not a single one true. Most people are just a figment of my own twisted imagination and those that are real will come down and hit me over the head with a sack of wet cheetos...
Server Bells
(11 downloads)Download this episode (2 min)
Jingle Bells has gone straight to Hell
Server Bells
Rushing down the hall,
A Mom alert calls me
Live Comm screams out help
I really to to pee
Panic cries to all
the lights flash in the night
Oh what a scary thing
as I bolt on down that flight
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Server's on fire
Straights are dire
And we seem to see our doom
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Around the bend, I see my end
And problems in the gloom
The backup didn't run,
The room it had no light
And soon the sparks flew out
Ruining my sight
I thought I'd use the Force
to make it all work well
but Murphy and his rotten laws
Had shot it all to Hell
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Server's on fire
Straights are dire
And we seem to see our doom
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Around the bend, I see my end
And problems in the gloom
AGAIN!
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Server's on fire
Straights are dire
And we seem to see our doom
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Around the bend, I see my end
And problems in the gloom
AIGH!
Posted by ye110wbeard at 4:58 AM | MAKE A COMMENT
Monday, Nov 24, 2008Oh Kitty Tree
(11 downloads)Download this episode (1 min)
Have your Cat sing along to
"Oh Kitty Tree" :)
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Garland and tinsel on you now
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
They hang upon your every bough
Shiny spaghetti for a cat
Cannot be beat and that is that
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Cat hairballs are shining under thee
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Each branch it has a shiny ball
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
It shines within our mighty hall
Those shiny bits, those crunchy sounds
It looks like the cat, has made more rounds
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Our cats are not so bright you see
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
Your lights they shine so brightly
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
We guard and watch thee nightly
We watch thee oh so carefully
Because our cats chew on LEDS
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree
Our cats now glow electrically
Posted by ye110wbeard at 4:52 AM | MAKE A COMMENT
Friday, Nov 21, 2008I Saw Bill Gates Dressing Santa Claus
(12 downloads)Download this episode (2 min)
Ooops! Another one for the Holidays folks!
Original tune "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
I saw Bill Gates dressing Santa Claus
Underneath the Server Rack last night
He didn't see me there
in my purple underwear
He thought that I had gone home
to my place without a care
Then I saw Bill Gates pat old Santa Claus
On his butt so jolly round and firm
Oh it was not what I thought I'd seen
'Twas a mannequin in red and green
Not him dressing Santa Claus that night
Posted by ye110wbeard at 4:58 AM | MAKE A COMMENT
Tuesday, Nov 18, 2008Slushie the Snowman
(15 downloads)Download this episode (2 min)
A little further Christmas Lunacy
The "Slushie the Snowman" song.
Slushie the snowman
Was a giddy funny guy
With a cheap old hat upon his head
and single button eye
Slushie the snowman
Was a bad old dream they say
Had a patch on one side to be his guide
As he staggered out that day
There must have been some magic
in that eye patch that they found
for when they put it on his head
He said "Arrr hit the ground"
Slushie the Snowman
Got a sunburn bad it's true
So he tried to run
but with no feet
he was stuck to there like glue.
Hop down the sidewalk
He scared the kids away
With a dripping face
his scary race
had them run right off that day
Melting and Sliding
Avoiding Sewer Grates
If he fell in one
he'd be surely done
Oh what a nasty fate
He oozed right down the road that day
right to a police stop
He paused to produce his id Quick
before he heard that SHOT
Slushie the snowman
Oozed away like a pile of slime
But soon he said
before he fled
I'll see you all next time
Drippety drip drip
Drippety drip drip
Look at Slushie Flow
Drippety drip drip
Drippety drip drip
Into the piles of snow
Posted by ye110wbeard at 4:46 AM | MAKE A COMMENT
Sunday, Nov 16, 2008Microsoft Twelve Days of Christmas
(19 downloads)Download this episode (4 min)
Dedicated to Steve Ballmer and his fine crew
Happy Holidays from your Friendly Neighbourhood Friday Funny Guy
Microsoft Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
A signed copy of Visual Studio
On the second day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the third day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the fourth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Fifth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Sixth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Seventh day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Seven IT Pros
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Eighth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Eight coders coding
Seven IT Pros
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Ninth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Nine Bags of Ram
Eight coders coding
Seven IT Pros
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Tenth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Ten Hot recruiters
Nine Bags of Ram
Eight coders coding
Seven IT Pros
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Eleventh day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Eleven Drives a trashing
Ten Hot recruiters
Nine Bags of Ram
Eight coders coding
Seven IT Pros
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
On the Twelth day of Christmas Steve Ballmer Gave to me
Twelve SQL Servers
Eleven Drives a trashing
Ten Hot recruiters
Nine Bags of Ram
Eight coders coding
Seven IT Pros
Six Hackers Hacking
Five CANS OF JOLT
Four Funny Fridays
Three bags of Fritos
Two boxes of Chiclets
And a signed copy of Visual Studio
Posted by ye110wbeard at 5:28 PM | MAKE A COMMENT
Saturday, Nov 15, 2008Rudolph the BBQ's Reindeer
(20 downloads)Download this episode (2 min)
Enjoy ... a Little over the edge Silliness for Christmas
Sorry Rudolph, guess I'm getting coal :)
You know Garlic and Caymen and Spicy and Honey
Chewy and Crunchy and stuff that tastes funny
But do you recall
the most flavoured Reindeer of all?
Rudolph the Barbequed Reindeer
Covered in a Honey Glaze
He got cooked up by Santa
Cuz he'd had himself some better days
All of the other reindeer
Watched him roll upon the spit
The licked their lips and they watched
They didn't seem to mind a bit
They one hungry Christmas Eve
Santa was so late
Rudolph so glazed and crunchy now
Won't you come on and fill my plate?
Then how the reindeer loved him
as they revelled in that tasty smell
Rudolph the Barbequed Reindeer
You'll go down really well
Posted by ye110wbeard at 5:36 PM | MAKE A COMMENT
Sunday, Nov 02, 2008Dead Cisco Sketch - I'm and IT PRo Song
(100 downloads)Download this episode (5 min)
Special Thanks to Monty Python, for the original LumberJack Song for without this would never have happened.
Extra special thanks to Mitch Garvis for planting the idea in my head. He can take some of the blame :)
Karaoke-version from www.karaoke-version.com
Re-edits to source Karaoke by Sean P. Kearney
The Dead Cisco Sketch
"'Ello Hack?"
"Who you calling a Hack."
"Sorry, me lungts are full of sheetrock. Look Never mind that, I wish to register a complaint"
"Sorry we're closed for upgrades..."
"Never mind tryin that. I would like to complain about this 24 port switch, I purchased from this very shop nary a half an hour ago"
"ahhh yes, the uh... the Uh Cisco Catalyst. What's uh... What's wrong with it?"
"I'll tell you whats wrong with it. It's completely dead! That's whats wrong with it"
"No it's not. It's in power saving mode. Beautiful switch the Cisco. Pretty lights."
"The lights have nothing to do with it. It's completely dead!"
"It's not dead, it's in power saving mode. Pretty lights eh?"
"Right then. If it was working fine, why did it do nothing when it got back to my site"
"The Cisco normally operates in a low power mode on startup. Most likely a delayed startup to preseve the capacitors. Beautiful design. Such a nice colour"
"Now explain to me then, why when I arrived on site did it split apart and fall into two halves on the floor..."
"The cisco Catalyst self disassembles for easy storage. Lovely switch. What a nice name."
"Now let me explain something to you. I found out the only reason this switch was in one piece when I got it... Was that it had been nailed together."
"Well of COURSE it was nailed together! Look if I hadn't nailed those two halves together, the cpu processing power would have overcame the case, bent it in half with the heat
and you'd have seen it launch into the air like a rocket... *WHOOSH*"
"Look you, this switch wouldn't *WHOOSH* or *HUM* or *GROANT* if you shoved a stick of dynamite inside of it. It's completely dead."
"It's not dead. It's in power saving mod...."
"It's NOT is power saving mode, it's dead. Kaput. Useless. A doorstop. Bereft of power and functionality, it's become another "Brick in the Wall". If you hadn't nailed
those two halves together, it would have become Book Ends on Steve Ballmers bookshelf. THIS is a DEAD SWITCH!"
"....Hmmm... well I guess I better replace it then..."
"Thank you."
moment later
"Uh sir, I just checked the back room and we're right out of Cisco Catalysts."
"I see..."
"I could get you an Arcnnet passive hub..."
"Pray does it crosslink to a Cat 7 network?"!"
"Not Really."
"Well it's only a @#%#@$@#$ Replacement!!!"
-------------------
The IT PRo Song
I never wanted to do this job in the first place.
I always wanted to be.... to be.... AN IT PRO!
Piano Music (guy in the background, screaming and fading out. "Get Back here you. I'll get you for this. Slimy little"
Swinging from light fixture to light fixture
Diving in to Ciscos and Junipers
Crawling through ceiling tiles and eating sheetrock
Pulling wires! Living off the soda machine!
Playing with Raids and Clusters.
Flying through infrastructure setups
Rebuilding SQL Tables for Fun!
Fighting viruses and destroying evil.
Saving the day every night
With my Fluke Meter by my side!
As I sing
I sing
I SING!
OHhhhhh I'm an IT PRO and I'm OK
I work all night and I drink all day
He's an IT PRO and HE'S OK
HE WORKS ALL NIGHT AND HE drinkS ALL DAY
I SETUP RAIDS and BACKUPS TOO
Strengthen the back end
I help out all the users
I like to be their friend.
He's Set's up Raids and Backups too
He's strengthen's the back end
He helps out all the users
and likes to be their friend
He's an IT PRO and HE'S OK
HE WORKS ALL NIGHT AND HE drinkS ALL DAY
I terminate and demarcate,
And run Cat 6e wires
I look for packs of matches
and try to start small fires
He terminates and demarcates,
And runs Cat 6e wires
He looks for packs of matches
and tries to start small fires?
He's an IT PRO and HE'S OK
HE WORKS ALL NIGHT AND HE drinkS ALL DAY
I fix the mail, And servers too
And race right down the hall
And if you refuse to pay me
I'll whiz upon the wall
He'll fix the mail, and servers too
and race right down the hall
And if you refuse to pay him
He'll whiz upon the wall?! EeeeEwwwwww!!!!!!
"I guess nobody wants to go Hooters then..."
In Unison "HOOTERS!"
klump klump klump
I'm (He's) an IT Pro and I'm (He's) ok
I (he) work all night and I (he) drink all day
I'm (He's) an IT Pro and I'm (He's) ok
I (he) work all night and I (he) drink all day
Posted by ye110wbeard at 1:19 PM | 1 comments
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